Saturday, May 12, 2007

My emotions for these few days were up and down, following the plot of DTF. I had been thinking of her and some news. I had heard from someone that she got a boyfriend already. Someone witnessed something. After someone told me about it, my feelings were mixed. Some negative feelings yet some neutral one – negative in terms of sadness, and neutral in terms of… just neutral. So, do I like her? Or do I not like her?

I was talking to some friends after school yesterday. One complained to me about her. He said he found that she was rather busy lately, and does not feel like hanging out with us sort of stuffs. Well, not surprised to hear that. It was kind of expected. Perhaps because of some clues left behind I guess.

I can't really sort out my feelings now. Rather perplex. But this emotion just doesn’t seem right for me. I don’t like the emotions that I am having now, rather negative, feeling really confused and helpless – maybe hopeless as well.

Is ignorance sometime bliss? Is forget the best solution?

I was not facing the problem. I felt that I was running away from it. I have not been contacting her for quite sometimes. I refrained myself from contacting her sometimes. I feel that forgetting about her will do me good. Because I got intuition that all that I have been guessing are correct. So perhaps forget about she will make me feel better less worst.

Recently feel that I have no one to confide with. In secondary school, sometimes I would confide with Kathy or Natalie or maybe some boys out there. But now, situation changed. We are no longer in the same class nor does the same school, we don’t see each other that often anymore, distant begin to grow between us. I can't really start a topic out of nowhere. Perhaps it will be easier to confide with Natalie than Kathy, but the distant is still there. Thoughts have got no ear to listen; I can only put them to word.

Lame joke by Beatrice: which mrt station in Singapore is made up of 5 men and 5 boys?